I wrote Boho girl (writer of blog I highlighted in previous post) an immediate thank you email upon stumbling upon her site. I had only read ONE blog post and I knew that she deserved my gratitude. For her honesty and vulnerability and for putting into words what I have not been able to. She in return read my blog, specifically this post and left me this kind comment:
i hear your voice so well in your writings…even though i’ve never spoken to you. thank you for guiding me here, to a place that feels so very familiar. so very close that i can taste and smell and feel every morsel of emotions you share.
i am not writing to fix it for you. you will not hear me say that this is all in “God’s” plan. i am just here to say i get it. i feel it. i stand with you breathing in the cool, crisp air and seeing ourselves in the bud covered in ice.
i know what it is to feel at home with sadness. i still struggle with the light. i wonder when it will be taken away because for five years, that darkness is all i knew.
what i can tell you, journey sister, is this…that now that i hold the baby that we fought so hard for in my arms, i do not regret all of the pain we went through to find him. it is because of that pain, that ache, that longing, sadness and heart ache, that i am a more present and gentle and open and grateful mother.
…and you will be too. you already are.
I believe this, I do. There will be a day when I will not regret the pain and journey we’ve been on to get where we are. I just wish that day would come sooner than later. And, honestly…I feel it will…