a semi-pretty-big announcement:

The synapsis in my brain are yelling to each other … Putting the word “announcement” in the title is kind of making your heart race. Maybe using the word “announcement” is too much. Quick! Tell everyone you’re not pregnant.

I’m not pregnant. Well, not exactly …

Infertility is just a really funny thing. I have all kinds of thoughts on it, but I won’t start to share those here (At least not what I haven’t shared already. Quick links can be found under “I’m New” ——> to the right). Instead, I’d like to write a book one day. And, there I’ll share all the sad and funny and embarrassing and is this for real life?! stories.

I’m not sure if it’s the peace I finally found shortly before we found out about Charley (of course that would happen, right?) or just getting older and making more sense of things or maybe it’s simply Charley. She has taught me more about life than I ever knew I needed to know.

She’s helped me to heal and to start to believe again. She’s helped me to think outside of myself (although mothering has shown me how selfish I can be) and mostly, she’s helped me find a space to be vulnerable again.

Deciding to and moving forward with adoption is an incredibly vulnerable thing. You are making the decision to put yourself out there and potentially experience heartbreak. But let’s be honest, deciding to have a child or another child is much the same. Every single day people experience miscarriages. Miscarrying and experiencing a failed adoption are nearly the same.

Yet, we want more kids and although we believe we will be pregnant one day (doctors have never found anything wrong with either of us) we also very much believe in the redemptive story found in every single adoption. And, so we are starting the second book in our series. Team Cudzilo has decided to start the adoption process again!

We are incredibly excited and hopeful and terrified all at once.

We know our child will come to us in the perfect way God has written. This does not mean our next book will be free from stress and heartache (our first book certainly wasn’t), but we are willing to walk through the fire and risk smelling a little smokey in order to experience what we have with our dear Charlotte.

Although I tend to write candidly on this blog Corey and I both are actually pretty private people. Hence not many people knowing about Charley until after she was born and home. Yet, this go-around we’ve decided to do things just a bit differently. We will still remain internal processors, but we hope to be able to share a bit more about our next journey. I have met so many people through this blog who have adopted and/or are starting the process or brainstorming the process and I would love nothing more than our journey to help someone else in theirs.

With Charlotte, we used a local agency here in town who only works with local adoptive parents and local birthmoms (although our birthmom lives out of town. She was the first out of town birthmom our agency ever worked with). This next go-around we plan to “cast our net a little wider” and have decided to work with an agency based out of L.A. And, believe it or not I found out about this agency via one of my readers! Let’s just say I love social networking!

We are flying as a family of three this weekend to meet with the agency for the first time. Technically, we haven’t decided fully to work with them yet, but so far they seem like a great fit and we both have found a lot of peace in the direction we are moving.

So, that’s that. The reason I mentioned this announcement with my workshop earlier this week is because I am attempting to get creative with a few 503 related things to start saving up money to pay for our next go-around. As you may or may not know the government (at least for now) refunds $13,000+ for adoptions. This is such a blessing! We will get our refund for Charlotte’s adoption next year (and hers cost just a few thousand more!), but still you have to have the money up-front and our next adoption – since we’re working nationwide – will be more in the $25,000 range. And, although my main squeeze is a fancy-pants M.D. he’s still in his training which means he gets paid like a Starbuck’s barista.

I’ve created a “take the workshop” with a friend deal for my fall workshop and am hoping this will help get our savings account’s heart starting to pump. In all honesty, I’m not the least bit worried about the money. I can’t even remember all the details our first go-around, but God provided so much so that never for a second did we feel any financial burden.

Butter-bean is up from her nap which means I can’t think clearly anymore. If you have any questions, please feel free to ask.

Oh, and one more thing … Charley was conceived the week we called the adoption agency the very first time (even though we didn’t find out about her until she was 32 weeks along). My mother-in-law reminded me of this and then said, “there’s no reason to think your next child hasn’t already been conceived.” And, so that is how we are praying. Makes me cry every time I think of it …

xo,

jc