..everything is much more clear.
It’s exactly what I was needing. In the middle of my Biggest-Loser-Pinterest-browsing-downtime no less.
I randomly saw an old video of Charley from November and clicked on it. She was crying because we were in the process of helping her learn how to sleep without being swaddled (she was getting out of it at night and then crying to be wrapped back up). She looked so sweet and little and helpless with her little lip sticking out. And, I touch her belly and talk to her calmly (all while videoing. I try and video the beautiful and the ugly) and she settles down a bit.
It wasn’t that the fact that my voice and touch calmed her down, it was her little self. That was only five months ago and just like that that baby is no longer. She is looking and becoming more and more a child. Every single day she is growing. Every single day she is learning and discovering and advancing. She is changing so so so very much so so so very fast.
And, suddenly the other things that happen in life that I allow to stress me out seemed rather ridiculous. Like I create this stressful busyness just to purposely blind myself from what it really is that brings me joy.
And, with it the memories flooded in …
the first time we met our baby. (I was petrified.)
I prayed she knew me. (did I tell you I was petrified?)
one of the only pictures I took in the hospital – I was too overwhelmed to do anything but remember to breathe. (thank God for my dad who videoed a lot during our three days waiting.)
waiting for 6:15 p.m. on the third day for papers to be signed.
her outfit and car seat were ready and waiting. (I was so sick to my stomach and felt like I may pass out at any moment. I was so scared she would never wear the outfit, never be buckled into the car seat.)
but, she did. And our overwhelming worry and fear turned into overwhelming joy.
so so so so so so much joy. finally she was home.
everyone was in awe. (nearly as much as us was her six-year-old cousin.)
and, of course we loved the beginning of all the “firsts.”(although she was not a fan of baths for quite some time.)
I’ll never forget the very first day it was just me and her at home. I looked from the bathroom and could not believe that she was really here.
the one I had been waiting for.
our love and joy and gratitude grew exponentially every single day.
we realized fast that she was a super special child.
and we were madly in love.
she taught me how to slow down and how to enjoy the simple things in life, like a rainy, Wednesday afternoon.
and she got bigger and bigger …
we flew to California and her big cousin got to hold her again. This time Charley was twice the size she was just four-months prior.
and we continued to enjoy all the every day moments we had together (check out those band-aids from shots.)
she had some very rough weeks with a cold + teething. she was my little snuggle bunny. (the bed I made for her next to where I sat and wrapped Christmas gifts.)
she tried solids for the first time and wasn’t a fan in the beginning.
and, she got bigger …
Christmas came and with it she got …
..two new teeth.
bath time became her favorite part of the day.
she started sitting up with a little help.
we had our first family photos taken. (by the acclaimed, film photographer Michael Wilson.)
she no longer needed the Boppy to help support her.
and bath time became all the more fun.
at eight-months old we still loved to be Moby’ed together. (although she was becoming the equivalent of a drunken octopus.)
her hair was growing long and thick.
she started enjoying playing with other babies and kids. (this kid being her cousin.)
and getting bigger …
ahhhh … april. the busiest month yet.
she has started crawling.
and getting into everything. (please take note of the untouched basket of toys.)
the bed time bottle has turned into bed time reading.
she adores bath time more than ever.
and has started pulling up. (the first time (this picture) I miraculously had my camera in the bathroom! look at that face!)
she has gotten four more teeth just this month (which was surprisingly “less painful” than getting her bottom two) and very much prefers to feed herself.
and, is getting bigger and bigger …
Which is where the clarity came.
She’ll be in pre-school in no time and then regular school and there will be more time for work.
For now I want to enjoy her as much as I can.
The ideas and projects I have in mind for 503 will no longer have a one month time-line. They’ll have a one year time-line.
And, I’m okay with that.
Thank you for helping me get here.