We’ve been traveling so much. During my final trip to see friends in Memphis and Nashville I told my girlfriend that from here on out we really should not be doing any traveling apart (minus on weekends). The lawyer we are working with in CA told us that he could call anyday, without warning, and at that point we would be expected to fly out the following morning to meet our prospective birth mom. It’s all so crazy to think about, but I feel like we are exactly where we’re supposed to be and I am totally up for the adventure.
It’s a funny thing when you’re planning to adopt. You are expecting, but you don’t have the same 40-week timeline. You don’t have the doctor’s appointments or the week-by-week countdown. You don’t have the ultrasound picture or the listening of the heartbeat. You don’t have the kicks and flutters, nausea and restless nights of sleep. You don’t have the growing belly. It’s quite easy to forget that a baby is making his or her way to you. And, honestly, sometimes it’s easy to not think that way just so that you don’t get freaked out, worrying about the hows and whens and what ifs.
When we were starting the adoption process the first time during our home study process we were required to read a few books. In one of the books the author talked about how her and her husband had experienced several heartaches trying to successfully have a baby on their own. When they decided to adopt they did all the legal stuff to be prepared, but never prepared their hearts, minds, schedules or home. It wasn’t because they didn’t want to, it was because they were scared to. They were scared to get their hopes up and only experience heartache again. But, she said, she had learned through their story and other friends’ stories that if an adoption fails it hurts no less if a crib has been put together or if it hasn’t. “And, honestly,” she writes, “if a crib forces you to grieve over a failed adoption that you would have otherwise played off like it was no big deal you’ll be all the better for it.”
Their story is that they were called about their son after he was born. They hadn’t adjusted anything in their lives, hearts or home and he was here. She experienced some major post-adoption blues (which are reportedly just as common as postpartum blues) and she contributes it all to the fact that she was so unprepared.
I will never forget reading that. I remember exactly where I was (we were out of town) and which night of the week it was. I made a commitment right then and there that we would treat life as if I was pregnant. I quickly made 503 adjustments and changed things around so that my schedule was only booked through July. No weddings, no fall shoots – nothing else planned minus what had already been announced (this was last summer when I had already hired 4 people and started hosting workshops for kids).
As many of you know we found out about Charley 2 months after our home study had been approved and then she was born 10 weeks later. In July. Luckily, I had an amazing group of people working with me that finished my workshops up and then I took a 6-month maternity leave.
When Charley was born and we brought her home from the hospital I was ready. We both were. Our minds, our hearts, our schedules and our home. And, this is what I want for our next child.
It’s hard though because I waiver between excitement and anxiety. Being a mom to one is a full-time job. Being a mom to two is two full-time jobs. I am up for the challenge, but I am still nervous. I find myself imagining two babies in this house and then I’ll often find myself slipping into a state of denial. No, it’s just going to be her and us for awhile. We surely won’t get “the call” for a long time.
Nevertheless, I feel like the Lord has said late winter, but I am not sure if that means that will be when we get the call or if that will be when he/she will be born. That I don’t know. What I do know is that I’ve understood the Lord wrong before so I don’t want to get too hung up on any one month or any one time of year.
We are expecting and that is that.
I am working intentionally every day to imagine myself pregnant (except lucky for me I can still Crossfit, sleep soundly and drink beer). To allow myself to really imagine life with two I have already begun working on the baby room.
I know this is a risky thing which is why I am not out buying clothes or newborn diapers. I am just dreaming and making plans and I feel totally okay with that.
Until Charley was 7-months old she slept in our room. At first she slept right next to me and then she transitioned into the sitting room off of our room. You may remember seeing the picture of it here in our HGTV: Our Room Today post:
This room will be the new baby’s room until he/she is sleeping through the night and Charley is old enough to sleep in the daybed in her room (ultimately they will share a room). I want the sitting room to be baby friendly, but not too baby’ish that it looks weird once it’s back to being a reading nook. This past weekend I saw a rug at Pier 1 that I fell in love with. I was so in love I wandered around the store and came back to it like 6 different times. You know those types?! Somehow … somehow … I managed to leave without buying it. I daydreamed about it though non-stop so I went back Monday to snag it up. I couldn’t find it online so I was so worried it was the last one left and it was going to sell! I found out though that it’s actually so brand new it hasn’t been posted to their website yet (which I find odd).
So, with the new rug and the chair I bought a few weeks ago at an estate sale (2 for $50! The other one is in our family room, waiting to be recovered) and the bookshelves I painted white (quite awhile ago actually) the sitting room/future nursery is now looking like this …
Don’t you think that rug is so fresh and fun? Oh Pier 1, I love you …
(p.s. The rug is actually quite a bit more vibrant in color (see other pictures). Unfortunately, my blog sucks the color right out of some pictures (but not all??) when uploaded for web viewing. SO annoying and if anyone has any solutions I am all ears!)
I know that chair isn’t for everyone, but c’mon people – I got TWO of those bad boys (and, they’re gliders, too!) for $50! And, for real – they are in *perfect* condition. Unfortunately, the green isn’t quite working out in our home so I am planning to get them both reupholstered. I’ve actually decided to get the one in the nursery and the one in the basement/family/TV room covered in the same fabric. The fabric is just so cool, so versatile and if ever we want to move the chairs to the same room we can.
And, the rest …
I’m in no rush at all. I’m sure most of my to-do list won’t get done until we’ve been matched with a birth mom, but I love having a vision and spending lazy hours dreaming and looking up fresh artwork and such on Etsy (like this one or this one or this one (although I tend to not like overly used verses, this one is one I’ve been resting with a lot lately. He knows everything there will ever be to know about our next baby and with that I find great comfort.)).
The bottom line is I’m scared and excited and ready for this next adventure. I’m feeling very much at peace and I’m equal parts eager for things to move along and equal parts totally content with where we are at. I am in a really good place and I haven’t always been able to say that.
xo,
jc
p.s. The two chairs only came with one ottoman so I’m seriously considering buying one of these poufs for the ottoman’less one. How awesome are they? And, she has the fabric we’re planning to use which makes the whole world a better place.
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