My thoughts on my last post + her & her “bay”

Posted in Ramblings on September 20, 2011

Confession: I’m not so sure I like my post from last week.

I like to return to posts a day or so after they go live to try and read them as an “outsider” would. After I read my last post the following day this is what went through my head …

- I sound like I’m asking people to air their dirty laundry in order to keep it real.

- I sound like I’m saying when people blog about the beauty in their lives it’s probably fake or over-exaggerated.

- I sound kind of pissy.

- Maybe I have it all wrong. How many times have I wanted to blog the beauty in my own life and not, worried it would come across like I was trying too hard?

I think the message I was trying to send is this: Let none of us assume our lives are less beautiful because we don’t post beautiful pictures and eloquent words. Let none of us post pictures or write words that paint a picture that isn’t accurate to what really happened or how we’re really feeling. Let none of us get caught up in the competing to show how “my life is more beautiful than yours.”

Some of you totally got it, I know. And, for any others who didn’t, I’m sorry. I really didn’t write it feeling pissy at all. Yet somehow I think I came across that way.

+++

I do think it’s true that there are all kinds of photos I consider posting, but don’t worried it would come across like my life is so glorious and perfect, my house always clean, my schedule perfectly filled with work and play and my Charley never unhappy. My house is filthy, I am still insanely low on the Crossfit totem-pole and Charley threw-up all over me today. Yet, it’s ridiculous that I don’t post the beautiful, too, because I’m worried it will seem as if I’m bragging. That is no different than posting this picture …

… and saying our time at the beach was perfect in every way.

I am learning. Learning every single day. And, boy do I have a ways to go.

So, I leave you with a few pictures I took of my loves.

She is totally infatuated with her dada (she calls him “Bay” which is short for “Babe,” the name I call him). She is constantly looking around the house for him and when he pulls up she stands by the door or window waiting eagerly for him to walk in. She’ll always smile and sometimes get shy, but always when he picks her up she opens her mouth for a kiss. He is her biggest love. She prefers he hold her over me and I’m okay with that (most of the time). I want all of my kids to think their Dada hung the moon and hung the moon is just what she believes.

Thanks for graciously reading,

Laura

love how you keep it real! And the way Charlie loves “bay” is too cute!!
- L
Megan P

your pictures are beautiful! And i would like to say that i loved your last post. I always like bloggers that “air their dirty laundry out” or keep it real, those that post the sad stuff along with their happy stuff. It allows me to connect with you more as a person. By you posting that we got to know you a little better. In the world of blogging you are faced with reading a computer screen, and learning about the lives of people you will never meet. But by posting the real stuff, we get to connect with you, and bridge that gap a little further. So please post what you want to post, and keep it as real as you want to keep it, because i will continue to read and come visit here either way!
Aunt Sandra

I am an expert “reader” and it didn’t sound pissy or any of the other things that you mentioned. What your post did was make the world feel better about not having “fairytale” lives. It spoke to every reader on some level. Can’t wait to see you and watch Susan and Charley talk about how their moms have traumatized them. haha Love.
Robbye Jepsen

I love that Charlie calls him “Bay”. My little one (now 17 yrs. old) went threw a phase where he only called me “honey” , just like his dad. I miss those days…a lot.
Tay

I am in love with your photography. For a while now, I have been at a place in my life where I have just put my camera down and set my passionate love for photography aside. But I am proud to say that I have picked up my camera again and my passion for photography is still burning as strong as ever. Do you have any tips for a young photographer who desires to improve her photography?
GretchenT

Oh Jess–you could never be “pissy” and no matter what you write you always move me and make me look at life and think—the best part about your blog is the relatability and the feeling like we are old firends…..never apologize dear one!!
Lisa Anderson

More adorable than when you first wrote about it Jess – I think it’s cute and funny that you fretted over what others might think you were thinking or trying to say. One of the reasons I think so many people love reading what you have to write – because you care. Your life is PERFECT – perfectly yours!!! Love your heart!
Katekehne

Love these pics and the crazy and great lives you three have. Love seeing glimpses and such cute father daughter pics. Please follow us around and take such of our family. I am jealous of that. Love you and your analytics. Beauty is also in the crazy, funny, and strange- you are right!
jane

well…you definitely did capture beauty! And I must say my favorite 2 pics are 1) the so very special kiss that you captured and 2) Charlie pointing (to what I must assume is a horsey)…Charlie is absolutely beautiful, and you captured the essence of family and love! You do a great job of capturing life…and you do it very well…both with wonderful words AND pictures – keep doing what your doing and always remember that the only one you have to please is God…if you get that right everything else just kind of falls into place and were are right where we should be!
http://www.maliacano.com malia

omgosh, love that picture of charley kissing her “bay”
http://www.503photography.com Jessica Cudzilo

“the only one you have to please is God ..” — such a sweet (and freeing!) reminder. thank you.
http://www.503photography.com Jessica Cudzilo

You are too kind. Thank you for your words! (and just for the record: you are wrong – I actually can be pissy. ask my husband.
http://www.503photography.com Jessica Cudzilo

Yay you! My first suggestion would be to shoot. Every single day. Even if it’s just one picture a day, try and pick up your camera at least once a day. If given the time go out for intentional shooting time. Go somewhere peaceful by yourself and dedicate 30-minutes to photographing whatever you desire. My second suggestion would be to pay very close attention to light every second of the day. Pay attention to how the light hits different things in a room. Where is it most beautiful? Where is it dark and dingy? Where is it angled/flat/open/etc? “Become one with the light.” That’s what I always suggest to my students. These 2 things should get you going.
http://www.503photography.com Jessica Cudzilo

Awwww … I love that so much!
http://www.503photography.com Jessica Cudzilo

I don’t think Charley’s Susan is going to be a good influence on her at all! ; ) See you in just a few days!!!
http://www.503photography.com Jessica Cudzilo

Thank you for the kick in the butt. Loved your comment!
http://www.bethsfavouritethings.blogspot.com Beth Favourite

I loved your post about keeping it real. People never post the ugly pictures or the crying pictures and it does make it seem like everyone else’s life is perfect and mine isn’t. Your life seems pretty great from this side, and I was so happy when you revealed that you feel the same way I have; that we can never ‘compete’ with the other bloggers we read. I have stopped following some blogs just to give myself a break. What keeps it real for me about your blog is that you may post the beautiful pictures, but I think the readers can tell you are real underneath and that makes it easier to relate. Thanks for going out on a limb.
http://www.503photography.com Jessica Cudzilo

Wow, thanks for the compliment, Beth!
http://newlywedsinnewyork.wordpress.com/ Susan

Crying. Love this so so so much and so happy they have a special bond. Literally crying. Love y’all!!
http://newlywedsinnewyork.wordpress.com/ Susan

Crying. Love love love love this so much. So happy that they have a special bond… so great. Literally crying and LOVE y’all!
http://newlywedsinnewyork.wordpress.com/ Susan

Didn’t think my first comment took, but it did. So now I have 2 comments that basically say the same thing… and I’m ok with that. 3rd comment.
Jen

Awe! Love the photos – SO sweet!! And I didn’t take your last post the wrong way – sometimes people look ‘too perfect’, I like the balance between the sweet moments (that you should totally post – but I know what you mean) and the moments where things are…a bit messy. Life is full of both, but it doesn’t make it any less beautiful.
http://speckofawesome.wordpress.com/ Speck

Thank you for this follow up. The original post hit me in many ways, but something felt incomplete. This, however, really rounds out what you were trying to say.
Blogging about the beauty in life is just as real as blogging about the pain and failures. As long as you aren’t purposefully distorting the reflection of your life by saying you were joyous when really you were in a lot of pain from having just stubbed your toe, your realness will come through.
Sure, some people seem more raw because they write more about their pain, the uncomfortable grit between their toes so-to-speak, but I think saying that that -is- more real and more raw than someone who has that same grit and pain and chooses instead to focus on the parts of life that bring them joy is disingenuous.
Anyway. You made me think a lot about this and the internet and blogs in general and I’m not done thinking yet. Thank you.
http://www.503photography.com Jessica Cudzilo

Thank you, Speck, for your comment. I loved every bit of it.
Heather Moll

I’ve been following your blog for quite a while now, Jessica but have never left a comment until today. I can’t help myself. I just wanted to encourage you that your “keeping it real” post meant a lot to me. I think most of us spend too much time trying to be perfect (and blaming ourselves or feeling guilty that we aren’t) because we have a false impression of others’ lives which leads to unrealistic expectations. It’s so refreshing to read blogs that are real and honest and not just sunshine and lollipops all the time. Obviously we want our kids and families to have wonderful happy memories but that isn’t always the reality. Anyway, I’ve spent way too much time trying to make this all sound right when what I’m really trying to say is thank you so much for being who you are.
And I wanted to share a link to a blog I read last night that was all about being real and I thought you might like it.
http://karenrussell.typepad.com/my_lifejust_not_on_the_ro/2011/09/sometimes-i-worry-that-ill-never-take-a-good-picture-again.html
http://www.503photography.com Jessica Cudzilo

Thank you so much for your encouraging comment. Means more than you know. And, wow on Karen’s post! She is a dear friend/”co-worker” of mine and I think she’s a fabulous person. I adored reading that post. So real and raw and beautiful! Thanks for sharing.
Elizabeth Flowers

I tried several times to comment when you first posted this but it wouldn’t work. I emailed myself a reminder so I could remember to try again. :)
I’ve been enjoying your blog for a couple months now and haven’t commented (yet) but when I read your post last week it prompted my post a few days later ( www.thosebloominflowers.com ). I didn’t take it as a pissy response to what you were processing, more as a realistic moment of processing. Real is good…real good. :)
http://www.503photography.com Jessica Cudzilo

Oh, I’m so glad you were able to finally leave me a note! I so enjoyed reading your latest post. I loved how you said “..how does it really look in their mind?” That is such a great point! I think many of us can look “great” on the outside and are totally stressed/tired/etc inside. Sometimes, that’s okay (we don’t have to show everyone in the free world just how stressed and tired we are , but in the places where we choose to share life (i.e. our blog) I think it’s perfectly okay and beautiful to do just that. It helps us all feel a bit more normal and a bit more connected. xo!
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