caged lions + new {uber-fun} news!

Last week when I was having a bit of a pity party I was emailing back and forth with a dear, dear friend of mine, wonderfully named Jessica.  She comforted my state of being by admitting that she too has her own pity parties at least once a month and would be happy to send me an Evite if I’d like to be invited. I laughed and loved her for making me feel normal. She also wrote me about something else and that’s what I’d like to share here. It was something that made me stop, open my eyes again and regain the perspective I think I’ve lost in this whole fight for a child.

She wrote…   (and, I hope you don’t mind me sharing your entire email … it’s just too good to only use pieces)

I was just reading your blog and watched the Amy video and…don’t know why I decided I should share this with you…it’s not the same, but somehow I think you’ll understand…

After watching the video, I was thinking what you must have found so special about it (besides the beautiful music that you know I love as well).  I was thinking that you must really relate to how her “art” flows through her and becomes her and is her…you must understand the passion behind it.

I think that’s one huge reason why I read your blog so often.  I love to see you live your passion and, then, I also get a twang of jealousy sometimes.  Because I’d like to know and live mine.

Please don’t take this the wrong way, it’s in no way the same, but I feel like “My Passion”, my true calling in life is, in fact, my difficult conception.  It is something I desire so deeply and my heart longs for and I pray to bear, but the door remains closed.  I know it is not the same, not a life to hold or a spirit brought to form, but it is the lack of life and spirit within me.

I just felt compelled to share that, to make that comparison.  I hope you don’t mind.  I am praying that you and I find an open door one day soon.

And, there it was. My overall perspective of this world regained. This is not just about me longing for something I don’t have … a yearning for something different … something new and fresh and real. This is about all of us having desires deep within that we have not yet seen come to fruition. For me it’s a child. For my dear friend, Jessica, it’s a place for her to live out her God-made creative soul, for you … well, what is it in you that feels like a caged lion?

We started trying for a baby before Corey had finished up medical school. Our timing was going to be just perfect (of course). Looking back I thank God for this extra time he has given us. For our marriage and for me … I would have found numerous reasons to keep my photography-business-lion caged. So, I guess sometimes I think I know what lions need to be released when really it could be another that I’m not even aware of. I knew I loved photography. I knew I wanted to run my own business. I did not know just how much I would find myself during this whole process. Before it seemed foreign to call myself a photographer (who do I think I am?), but now it comes natural. A writer, too? Yes, I think now I’d call myself a writer. And, a teacher. Never would I have known just what the release of this lion entailed had my baby-lion been released first.

So, today I feel like I have a bit of perspective. And, although it might be gone tomorrow today it is here and I am grateful for it.

One more thing … I know this is long, but I’m leaving town and you guys won’t have to hear of me for at least a full week! … I so love what I do that I want to allow this lion to run free and wild as long as he can. With that … and my borderline ADD … I have wheels that are always spinning. I literally have a document titled “ideas” that are enough to keep me busy until my 40th birthday. That paired with this insane obsession I have with teaching others the technicalities and art of photography I have decided to start something new on my blog:

Starting in May every Friday I will write about something photography related. Whether it be a photo with an explanation of how I obtained the shot, a tip on lighting or composition, how to get your kids to make the same faces I get kids to make, an inside look into my daily run business or something as simple as an article or photo that has inspired me. This will be every Friday except for the first one of the month. BECAUSE the first Friday of the month is reserved for interviewing another photographer! And, I’m not just talking about Joe Schmoe, I’m standing tall and typing email requests with confidence, asking rather famous (or uber-popular) photographers for a slice of their time.

First up: Jasmine Star (weeeeee! )

I don’t know if you know her, but if you don’t get to know her because she is fabulous, her work amazing and her blog worthy of stalking. Just voted as one of Popular Photography’s top 10 wedding photographers of 2009 I am THRILLED  at the opportunity to pick her a brain and then to share it with you guys! Mark your calendars: Friday. May 1st.

So, I’m off for vacay … Knoxville to Me-hee-co to Banner Elk, NC … I’ll check-in if I have the opportunity, but if not I’ll miss you, sweet friends!

Mwah!

jc